There is a lot of speculation, and many people are wondering why do stepfathers hate their stepchildren.
While it may seem like stepfathers hate their stepchildren, the fact is that the root of what may appear to be animosity goes much deeper. Stepfathers may resent their stepchildren for not being biologically theirs. Another speculation is that while the stepfather may love their stepchildren it could be that the mother refuses to allow a stepdad to partake in the disciplinary aspects associated with parenthood. Also, some stepdads may have a deeper affection that can be sexual in nature even though it is rooted in thought only. Lastly, some stepdads are not that serious. For instance, they may be highly interested in the mother on a sexual and relational sense, however, these particular stepdads have very little interest in their offspring.
As mentioned, there is a lot of speculation as to why stepfathers hate their stepchildren so let’s take a moment and unpack what all this means. Below are some theories that may help better understand this family phenomenon.
Stepdads May Feel Inadequate On A Biological Level:
Most guys that I have spoken with and have read about in psychology journals is that men, in general, want children that they can biologically call their own. And when they can’t have kids of their own – usually due to a medical condition of some sort – they default to choosing a partner who already has children of their own.
Thinking that this is a wonderful opportunity to create a ready-made family of their own, many stepdads realize all too quickly that they will always be a second class member of the family.
As discussed below, being second-class in the family is primarily due to the mother not allowing her child’s stepdad the opportunity to fully bond, discipline, and other rights and privileges of a biological father
Worse, if their stepchild already has a biological dad of their own the hopeful father will lose even more control over areas like discipline and personal respect.
Stepdads Often Feel Left Out Of The Family:
Many stepdads want so badly to become fathers, and while getting married or being in a relationship made a lot of sense at the time, the sad reality is that both mother and child often treat the guy as a second class member of the family.
For instance, if the stepchild gets out of line and needs to be disciplined what often ensues is the mother stepping in and defending her child from being corrected.
She may say things like:
You have no right to discipline my child. Let me handle things
Naturally, the stepdad out of frustration and hurt will retaliate in other ways through the manifestation of anger and sometimes violence.
Some Stepdads May Have Deeper Feelings For Their Stepchildren:
As twisted and perverse as this sounds, some stepdads secretly hide their feelings for their stepchildren. While some of them may feel ashamed about their feelings, the overall sense of being ashamed may manifest itself in anger and frustration.
In other words, while it may seem like a particular stepfather may hate their stepchild, what is subconsciously taking place is an older adult who is struggling with their feelings towards (usually) someone much younger. And to top it off, they may feel extra remorse that they are intimate with their mother, and that certainly compounds the problem and adds to the guilt.
Some Stepdads Just Aren’t That Serious…
Let’s face it, not every stepdad has a desire to become a world-class dad. There are many who of these pretenders that fill the mother’s head with lies and deceit only to have their way with them in the bedroom.
Oftentimes, the stepdad may only really want to use the mother for sex and intimacy, and her daughter or son is someone who should only be tolerated.
As cruel as this sounds, some men will go out of their way to do whatever is necessary to fulfill their sexual conquests and greedy satisfaction. This could also be another reason why some stepdads indicate zero interest in their stepchildren and raising them with both love and compassion is simply not on the agenda.
If you’re still wondering why do stepfathers hate their stepchildren, I am quick to point out that there is no one reason why this occurs. Rather, my research has driven me to state that it is usually an intersection of reasons.
As mentioned, for some it is a deep-rooted hatred and resentment that they are unable to produce offspring of their own is only one factor out of many.
Personally, I believe the majority of reasons why some stepfathers may appear to hete their stepchildren lies more in their inadequate ability to fully blend in as a complete family; the feeling of being left out as a recognized member of the family as described in my second point is all too common.
I have been a stepfather for a few years before we all went our separate ways, and I can tell you from experience this feeling of inadequateness was something I felt on an almost daily basis.
Are you a stepfather? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please leave me a comment and share your experiences below.