Most of us love our children and, as a result, we certainly want the best for them as they grow up and through our teaching strive to become productive members of society.
When they were small we tried to offer them every opportunity to succeed…
From the right educational tools such as books and phonics to simple life lessons and wisdom we imparted to them, our daughters were supposed to surpass us from a socioeconomic perspective.
And why shouldn’t they?
Certainly, I can’t speak for everyone. However, I know the things in life I was disadvantaged of and so I did my darndest to give her all the opportunities I could only wish for as a kid.
That’s why it pains me to think about how to deal with a disrespectful grown daughter who won’t work.
If you’ve gone through this major dilemma – or you are currently dealing with it – this post is certainly for you.
I have researched this topic thoroughly because, well, I probably didn’t handle it the way that I would have liked to.
First, Realize That You Are Partly To Blame:
I know this probably sounds a bit harsh, but the reality is that your daughter is in the position she’s in because she never really had to adapt or grow beyond a certain point.
I speak to parents often, and the ones who face this difficult challenge are the ones who often coddle and make excuses for their daughters to not take responsibility for anything financial.
Obviously, you can’t go back in time to correct the past so the best way to address this is by having the attitude of moving forward and deal with the situation in the here and now.
Let them know that as a parent you want only the best for them, and the best thing for them is to begin taking responsibility for their life starting today.
Don’t Be Afraid To Cut The Cord:
Loving your daughter and wanting the absolute best for her doesn’t mean that you have to support her well into adulthood. In fact, supporting her that late in life will actually serve as a detriment to her progression and development.
If you are always concerned that she can’t do for herself, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where your biggest concerns become a reality thanks to your own efforts.
The best thing you can do is allow your daughter to fail, pick themselves back up while learning life lessons in the process; if she is going to thrive on her own it’s imperative you let her learn these lessons on her own.
The daughter of my first relationship who spent her life living with her mother is a classic example of what could go wrong in this regard.
Her mom gave her everything she could ask for, and by the time she turned 18 she had no idea how to keep a job, nor did she understand the value of a dollar.
Now at 21 she dropped out of school, shacked up with a guy who can barely keep a job and both of them enjoy a life where they can pretty much sponge off the government here in Canada.
Naturally, I still maintain hope that she will grow out of it but as of yet things haven’t changed that much.
You’re Not A Door Mat, So Don’t Let Her Walk Over You:
Unfortunately, when you spoil a child who is now an adult they often times will have a sense of entitlement and a level of disrespect towards you.
I’ve seen it time and again: a parent who gives their daughter everything they could ask for, cook their meals, do the laundry and allow them to live in the home rent-free.
The end result?
Their daughters have gained a level of entitlement and, as a result, they have developed a sense of contempt for their parents.
You would think the opposite would be true, but from my experience, the opposite is almost always true…
I theorize that this probably occurs because deep down they see their friends and other folks around them succeed while they are trapped at home remaining stagnant.
Don’t Succumb To Her Guilt Trip Afterwards:
It’s natural that after you begin implementing these strategies that your daughter will most likely lash out at you, so don’t be surprised is she calls you every name in the book or threatens to cut you out of her life.
Think about it for a moment: you catered to her every whim, gave her everything she asked for – borrowing money in the process – took all the stress off her shoulders and placed it on yours, and otherwise did everything in your power to treat her like a princess…
Now, as you begin to gather your senses and force her to grow up she has no choice but to sink or swim.
If you put yourself in her shoes then the fact that she will take her anger and frustration out on you suddenly becomes a very real and natural thing.
Dealing With The Consequences – Final Thought:
Dealing with a disrespectful grown daughter who won’t work is never an easy thing, especially when she has for the most part been babied all her life.
It’s important to also note that although my article does reveal what is necessary to help her to help herself, the backlash you may face could force you to rethink this strategy.
If she threatens to cut you out of her life – and possibly your grandchildren as well – I highly recommend that you call her bluff and not succumb to her threats.
Trust me, if you do backpedal things will be much worse for you and for her; suddenly she will feel – and rightfully so – that she can play her ace card anytime you threaten to do the right thing, and you certainly don’t want to be in a weakened position like that.
Comment below if you enjoyed the article, and if there are any other strategies you would add or do differently.