I have to admit, when I received a message from one of my subscribers some time back asking me in a very humble email can a dad be also a best man, it took me a little time to respond.
Not that I was uncomfortable around the topic, but the idea of having someone’s dad acting as the best man was not something you hear about every day.
Many people have had their father as the best man, and it is not dependant on the size or the location of the wedding. The best man is the principal aide to the groom at a wedding. In most modern Anglophone regions, the groom extends this exaltation to someone close to him, generally a close friend or a relative (or in rare cases a father). Although not as common, if the groom is close with his dad than it is perfectly acceptable for him to have his dad as the best man.
Of course, having your dad as the best man at your wedding does sound nice and cute. For instance, it would certainly strengthen the bond between father and son as the most obvious benefit. After all, this would be the memory of a lifetime.
However, as I explored the topic a bit more with investigative eyes, I noticed some obvious drawbacks that should not be ignored.
Let’s explore the drawbacks and
You Can’t Be Yourself:
Most folks would agree that they are usually on their best behavior when their dad is around and within eyesight.
It stands to reason that at the event of your big day where you are prepared to share the rest of your life with the woman of your dreams, some people will try to put on a facade of who they are.
If you are a belligerent person you definitely should be on your best behavior. However, for most of us who do not fit that category putting on a mask knowing that the groom’s dad is the best man may evoke a sense of nervousness and that uneasy feeling would translate into a less than positive experience.
The Bride-To-Be May Feel Uncomfortable:
Unless your future bride has an excellent relationship with the groom’s dad, chances are she will at times throughout the wedding ceremony feel uncomfortable around his dad.
One has to wonder how she will feel when she kisses in front of her future father-in-law; many women may feel a bit weird and awkward may if the groom’s dad is the best man.
Your Friends May Feel Intimidated:
Another thing to consider is that your friends and the friends of the bride may feel a little intimidated and socially awkward around the groom’s father.
Usually, no one will really say anything or make a remark, but events such as the bachelor party will probably not feel the same.
After all, we all know what goes on at these parties. And for the most part, many of these same party’s typical will involve some nudity and drugs of some sort.
I’m certainly not condoning or condemning such behavior, however, I am simply pointing out that having the groom’s dad at these events may certainly alter the landscape when it comes to letting loose and having fun.
Dad May Try And Contol The Event:
One of the most potentially frustrating scenarios would be if the groom’s dad tried to control or alter the event during the ceremony and after-party – not to mention the bachelor party.
As frustrating as this is, some grooms have admitted that bestowing the honor of best man onto their father was a bad move.
As one groom put it:
My dad became a different person. Not only did he want to control the entire wedding, but he also advocated for us to change our plans for the after-party to something really boring. None of us wanted to hang out at his house telling stories, we were in the mood to go out and let loose by having some fun at the local clubs.
Can A Dad Also Be A Best Man? The Upside Of Things:
While I remained somewhat critical of the idea, the truth is that there are countless stories that indicate the opposite is true.
Throughout my research into the topic, I discovered that sons were very proud of their fathers, and by having these aged best men as gooms actually helped things to go a lot smoother.
While some may scoff at the idea of having someone’s dad as the best man, many others – in particular women – thought that the idea was cute, while the guys felt it was noble and supportive.
Either way, love it or hate it, I sense that we will be seeing a lot more of these unorthodox choices in the coming years to come.