Being a single dad and looking to date someone is certainly not easy, I mean between you raising a son or daughter, there are certain challenges and obstacles you are sure to encounter that an otherwise childless guy simply would not have to deal with.
how to date someone while being a single dad certainly does have its challenges, but you shouldn’t expect to live as a pseudo-hermit that goes into work most days of the week, only to spend your entire waking moments surrounded by your children.
Not only is that unrealistic, but I think in the long run it’s unhealthy as well.
We guys crave companionship, but for the sake of our children, we must also remain selective, and tactful when we finally meet someone.
Even still, with the right mindset combined with a sound strategy, there should not be any reason why you can’t meet that special someone – and now with technological tools such as the internet and the whole online dating phenomenon, finding someone to date and spend time with is a whole lot easier than when I was growing up; remember bars and social gatherings?
Anyways, if you were born after the eighties you are probably didn’t have to go through the struggle of meeting someone without the aid of technology, so consider yourself lucky.
With or without technology, here are 5 great tips and strategies that are guaranteed to shift your mindset into maximum positivity, while at the same time looking out for the mental health and wellbeing of your children.
Don’t Let Your Ex Interfere With Your Life:
Perhaps the largest obstacle or roadblock that stands in front of most single dads is their relationship with their ex.
Call it crazy, but the problem goes much deeper than what most people realize. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where the court and the justice system still favors moms over dads by a high margin (although things are changing).
I think, for the most part, many single dads allow their ex to still interfere in their lives stems largely from the fear that they will have a difficult time accessing their kids, and that if their ex-partner gets peeved they could make access to their children hard, if not damn near impossible.
I speak from experience: if you allow your ex to dictate the terms of your life it will not stop there. Suddenly they will try to push the limits by first asking for more money in support – if not demand it – and they may even take it a step further by threatening to take you to the courts.
As difficult as it may seem at the time, but if you don’t put your foot down they may attempt to gain access to your life.
Sadly, the vast majority of women – and it doesn’t matter who broke up with who – will always resent you, and deep down they will gain satisfaction in knowing you are alone and single; maybe in some twisted way it’s an attempt in making them feel better knowing that without them you can no longer be happy.
My advice is to flip the script and become a master of your own destiny.
Introduce Your Children At the Proper Time:
Way too often, single fathers introduce their children prematurely and almost always at the wrong time. Case in point: you begin dating someone, and things are going really well. Naturally, by this time you’ve already mentioned that you are a single dad and you begin already warming up the idea of children to your new love.
At this point, she may or may not be warming up to the idea of dating a single father.
Finally, and perhaps a couple of months later, the big day arrives: you invite her over for dinner and introduce her to your kids. Surprisingly, things go extremely well, and your kids begin bonding and developing a friendship with your new love.
Then, without warning, she breaks it off with you by saying that she doesn’t want to get tied down with anyone right now, and she’s certainly not ready to settle with someone who already has children.
How do you think your kids feel after this brief encounter?
Trust me, kids may seem resilient and ready to bounce back. Unfortunately, that’s usually not the case.
According to Psychology today:
Kids who see their parents serial date are at a much greater risk of developing emotional issues than their nuclear family counterparts.
They go on to state that:
Emotional problems may manifest itself in the use of alcohol, drugs, or a life of crime.
Bottom line: if you are going to date, it’s always best to wait until things get really serious before making the necessary introductions.
Be Upfront About Your Situation:
This next point should be fairly obvious, and you wouldn’t believe the number of people I talked that refuse to disclose to the person they are dating that they have any children.
It really defies all logic…
If you’re dating someone in a serious capacity, and after a few months you finally disclose that you’re single father, what on Earth do you think their reaction is going to be?
It stands to reason that they are going to get turned off because a) they feel that you’re a liar, and b) you refuse to disclose important information that you have children.
In short, it sends a signal out that you must be hiding other things as well.
If you want any relationship to last, always be upfront about your children in the beginning.
Remember, Your Child Comes First:
if you come across a partner who has no interest in your children, or any children whatsoever, dump them like a hot potato.
Trust me when I say that you will live to regret your decision to date that person. in the end, they will force you to choose them over your children.
I’ve seen it several times where one partner gets jealous of the other partner’s children, and the way that person typically acts out is that they are either very cold to your children, or they put pressure on you to spend less time with your kids through manipulative tactics.
If they don’t like your kids, then there is a very slim chance that they will warm up to them later, so don’t take that chance, OK?
Don’t Be Afraid To Look For Love Online:
Back in the day before the advent of online methods, the only way that anyone was able to find a date is by meeting someone was usually through social events or the typical bar. Of course, that wasn’t the only way but I’m sure you get my point.
Man, those were difficult and frustrating times!
Today, however, there is an entirely new plethora of ways to meet someone that was inconceivable years prior to the year 2000.
You have online dating, Tinder, chat groups to name a few…
Even still, you do have to watch out for scams, and many sites promote women that are pure gold diggers.
I’m not saying that you have to abandon the more traditional route, but what I am saying that you should be open to expanding your horizons, and look for ways beyond that are successful in this modern era.
I don’t usually recommend websites, but online dating portals such as eHarmony really do have your back, and they are voted as the number one trusted website for online dating.
Bottom line, always do your research and don’t be afraid to use non-traditional methods when looking for love.
You Deserve To Live Life To The Fullest:
Contrary to what you believe – or what you have been told – you deserve to live life to the fullest.
If you follow my pointers and take my advice, there is no reason why you should be able to maximize your happiness by finding a quality partner to spend time with, and hopefully, blossom the relationship into something much more that involves your children as well.
Yes, your children come first. Yes, you have to be extra careful when you have kids, but ultimately your children want to see you happy and don’t let anyone manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
I certainly hope you enjoyed my post, and if you would like to leave a comment below feel free to do so.
And if you have any dating experience you would like to share, that would be awesome as well. I know myself, and my readers would love to hear them as well.