Very few people will argue the fact that divorce is a very difficult thing to deal with, and even fewer folks will dispute the notion that life after divorce as a single dad is even more trying.
So what is the best way to cope with sadness after divorce as a single dad?
Indeed, there is a plethora of information online – as well as offline material – that tackles this question head-on, and many of this same information scratches the surface by making superficial claims that seeing an “expert” will help resolve this growing concern.
But is seeing a licensed therapist a.k.a “expert” really the best method in tackling single fatherhood and divorce?
My post will address and highlight some of the best methods available, as well I will go through and point out successful coping strategies that will help anyone going through depression, divorce, and fatherhood.
Avoid The Trap Of Getting Stuck In The Past:
No doubt, right after the separation there’s grief, anger, hurt, loneliness, and a sense of failure that is bound to occur. That said, it’s quite natural for someone to allow themselves to get stuck in the past and fall into the trap of dwelling on things you no longer can control.
Take it from me as someone who has gone through this before, you have to learn how to move on.
Moreover, it get’s especially complicated when you need to factor in things like paying for your divorce attorney, the added cost of establishing a new household, spousal maintenance -if applicable -, and of course child support.
However, if you have your kids living with you full time you can take comfort in knowing that society has progressed to the point where the courts are pretty much blind to the fact of who is raising the kids these days, child support knows no gender.
Basically, if you have your kids fulltime – and kudos to you if that’s the case – then don’t think that she’s off the hook with respect to the financial obligation of raising a child.
Putting all this aside for a moment, perhaps the greatest struggle if your ex is raising your children on a fulltime basis is a life without your kids.
Naturally, you will have access to your kids unless you are a horrible person, but I know first hand that oftentimes the time you now get to spend with them is painful enough to put any committed father in a depressed state.
Take Time To Heal Yourself:
The first thing you must realize is that divorce – with or without children – is a very traumatic situation for most people.
Most folks tend towards blaming themselves for the situation that they are in, and even if they are at fault for the divorce, these same people will tend to dwell on it with very little hope in moving forward.
We all make mistakes, and unless you can admit to this and decide to move forward with a plan of healing, you will remain in a static situation in a place where dwelling in your own pain will be a constant struggle.
There are plenty of people who would be glad to support you: your family, friends, spiritual leader, therapist, or a divorce coach.
The reward here for dads goes is that when you heal, your kids will notice and heal as well.
Formulate A Financial Plan For The Future:
Unfortunately, going through a divorce is more than just a mental game, but divorce is also a financial burden to dads as well.
Between the lawyers, child support, alimony, obligations to shared debt and other minor expenses, these things all add up.
In short, the income you and your ex-wife shared is just not there anymore and it’s important to realize.
Many people don’t realize that a once combined income severely altered has detrimental effects for the single dad.
Depending on your situation, of course, some of the resources you can tap into that will certainly assist you in dealing with these financial woes include: websites to help you more fully understand all facets of finances and assist your budget, financial advisors to help you piece everything together, and potentially raise the possibility to ask for a raise from your boss.
Moving Forward Means Not Blaming Yourself:
We all make mistakes, and going through a divorce oftentimes puts our minds in a very negative and confused state.
Whether or not you feel you’re at fault for the cause of the divorce, the bigger picture is that in the grand scheme of things it shouldn’t matter.
What do I mean by that?
If you are stuck in the past blaming yourself for things you can no longer control, I guarantee you that moving forward – especially for the sake of the children – will be extremely difficult.
We all make mistakes, and certainly I have made my fair share of mistakes – especially when it came to my first serious relationship – and I learned early on that if I was going to move forward for the sake of my daughter – it wasn’t going to happen unless I moved forward with the idea that learning from my mistakes was more important than remaining stuck in the past.
Take Care Of Yourself Physically As Well:
When it comes to physical health, most people have about a million excuses as to why they should not exercise and take care of themselves physically.
What most people don’t realize, however, is that if you take care of yourself physically then you will absolutely succeed in the mental game as well.
I understand how difficult it is after a major breakup. You just want to lie around, sleep and wallow in your own sorrow.
Please don’t do that…
My suggestion is that you need to pick yourself up, head on over to a local gym and spend 3 days per week working out your entire body.
Hire a personal trainer if you have never engaged in an exercise program before; heck hire one if you feel you need the motivation, but just make the time and effort to treat your body right.
Divorce is never an easy thing, however, the best way to cope with depression after divorce as a single dad is to not sit around and dwell on things you have absolutely no control over.
If the relationship is over, the best thing for you to do with respect to your mental health and the health and spirits of your children is to move forward and take massive action.
What’s the best way to cope with sadness after divorce as a single dad?
Assure your kids that you love them, look for ways to make additional money to circumvent the potential debt you may face, take care of your physical and mental health so you can truly be there for your kids, be a better friend to yourself, and trust the fact that you will get through this.
Thanks for stopping by, and if you would like to leave a comment or share a personal story please take the time to leave a comment below.