Being a stepdad is undoubtedly no easy task. Many experts believe that there are significant signs of a good stepfather that simply can’t be overlooked.
Predictably, there are many key signs of being a good stepfather that need to be examined.
Among these signs are:
- Managing conflict is a breeze.
- Taking small steps is essential.
- They accept their role as an outsider.
- They don’t mind standing out.
- They are incredibly patient.
- They go with the flow.
- They are kind yet firm when necessary.
- They are non-competitive.
- Taking the back seat is not a big deal.
- They Don’t have a messiah complex.
There is a lot to unpack here, but the idea behind this article is to dig deep with each of these points and define what it takes to be a world-class stepfather.
With that said, let’s examine each category in more detail; sounds good?
1. Managing Conflict Is A Breeze
Let’s face the facts, quarrels, resentment, lack of trust, and resistance are all bound to occur within a stepfamily.
Yes, you heard me correctly, it’s an undeniable fact of life, and highly successful stepfathers can navigate their way through years of conflict, whether perceived or otherwise.
They do this because stepdads who are a cut above the rest can respect other members’ points of view and implement a more tolerant and respectful approach to handling things within the family dynamics.
2. Taking Small Steps Is Essential
Not everything can remain static when you join any ready-made family.
That said, strong stepdads recognizes that making too numerous changes suddenly and without consent can be destructive and potentially triggering for kids and teens progressing through change as they do their best to understand what’s going on around them.
Mature stepdads take small, gradual steps until they reach their goal.
A well-adjusted stepfather understands that not everyone will think or do like them, so as someone with great understanding, they always seek to find some type of middle ground in any given situation.
3. They Accept Their Role As An Outsider
Few stepdads are willing to take a back seat approach to family planning and relational development, yet there are a selected few guys out there who accept their role as a stepdad as an outsider.
Of course, I am not advocating that a stepdad should always remain mute and sit there like a puppet when making decisions regarding the family.
However, what should be evident is that when you are entering an already made family, you should know that rules and recommendations on moving forward with family matters have already been in place for years, or potentially decades.
A sign of a great stepdad should be that he recognizes that things existed before he entered the picture, and while it’s essential to have his say, sometimes it’s necessary to accept that things are just the way they are.
4. They Don’t Mind Standing Out
Stepfamilies by no means reflect other families, and subsequently, they will not fit into the typical family archetype.
Regrettably, if you listen closely to public opinion (which you shouldn’t), They can also be downright degrading.
For instance, Stepfamilies are atypical or not typical. I can say through my research that many folks don’t take the concept of blended-families seriously.
Smart stepdads accept that stepfamilies play by a different set of rules and are happy to stand out from the crowd.
Great stepdads help you bring your family together that is comfortable and safe rather than trying to become a family that others think you should be.
5. They Are Incredibly Patient
One of the main attributes of a great stepdad is that they are patient beyond belief.
Indeed, it’s not easy to put yourself into an already mixed family and successfully integrate yourself where most of the time, you are successful in that same integration.
And for those rare occasions where integration is difficult? Well, they understand that it’s not about them, and so they generally work around any situation while leaving the door open to amending that same hostility.
You may be wondering, why on earth put yourself in that situation?
I can’t speak for every stepdad out there, but I’m sure a lot of it has to do with their ability to see the big picture.
6. They Go With The Flow
Research shows time and again that it takes at least two solid years for a blended family to mesh and work well as a household.
Well-adjusted stepdads know it takes a certain amount of time for everyone to integrate and comfortably adjust to the family dynamics.
Indeed, folks require more time than others to adjust successfully.
They understand long-term ideas, and they don’t get lost in the immediate day-to-day operations – mainly when that day appears to be horrible and mind-riveting!
In short: intelligent stepfathers decide to endure ‘good enough for now’ when beginning because they know and understand that persistence, patience, and time do wonder for long-term bonding and security.
7. They Are Firm When Necessary
Most stepdads – the average ones – do their best to buy into an already-made family in the hopes of winning them over.
And while gifts and other niceties are undoubtedly pleasant, they are in no way the best way to win over stepkids.
Time and again, prove that the best stepfathers are the ones that can provide discipline and unwavering authority with a kinder and gentler touch.
Conversely, less than average stepdads will focus only on what they can provide from a material standpoint in the hopes and aim of winning over their otherwise skeptical stepchildren.
Indeed, the latter is almost always a sure-fire way to wreck things in the long run.
8. They Are non-competitive
Smart stepdads are willing to support their stepkid’s relationships with their biological father actively.
Great stepdads unfaltering accept his role in your step-kids lives.
Successful stepdads make it a priority to not only promote cordial relationships between their step-children and their biological fathers, but they go one step further.
An above-average stepdad will do their best to extend an olive branch between them, assuring them that they in no way have any intention of trying to be the new father.
Of course, any biological father would feel a sense of contempt for apparent reasons, and this territorial fear is 100% warranted.
So a stepdad who truly cares about their step-children must quash any concerns that would make the biological dad feel uneasy.
9. Taking The Back Seat Is No Big Deal
This particular area is all about the ego and control – allow me to explain:
The above-average stepdad has no issue with taking the back seat because they are comfortable enough to let things go when necessary, and their comfortability with themselves allows them not to have to be the center of attention when things matter the most.
Savvy stepdads know and understand that family dynamics existed long before they arrived, and it’s futile to attempt to alter it to satisfy their insecurities.
Stepdad must respect the mother and daughter’s time, and attempting to infringe on this family tradition would be met with opposition and potential contempt.
These wonderful stepdads not only accept this as the norm, but they will go out of their way to encourage it.
10. They Don’t Have A Messiah Complex
One of the most common things I hear about is a potential stepdad who feels it’s his duty to “rescue” the family from the hardship of not having a man around.
It’s actually comical to think that an outsider has the ability to swoop in and save a family from imploding.
There’s one thing about wanting to be a stepdad and a wonderful provider, yet it’s another thing to think that a fatherless family is practically begging to be rescued.
If you feel that this is you, I urge you to reconsider your reasons why being a stepdad is high on your agenda.
Hopefully, through my research, this post helped outline some key signs of a good stepfather.
I do want to point out the obvious and that is there are many more than just 10 signs. In fact, I would caution you that these particular signs are what I noticed to be the most prevelant ones that stand out based on my experiences.
In fact, I would go so far as to say that your 10 may be vastly different – although I would add that the ones highlighted are universal in the sense that they all apply in one sense or another.
And what about you. Do you have any ones that would help my current subscribers? If so I would love to hear them!