Very few women – and some men – would argue with the fact why dating a single dad is hard and wrought with many challenges. After all, single dads have a much larger commitment than the average childless guy who may be interested in you for a relationship.
But why on earth is dating a single dad so difficult? I decided to do some research and come up with the top 10 reasons why you may want to avoid this difficult endeavor along with a brief synopsis (so pay close attention right to the end).
- They have to divide up their time between you and their children
- They exhibit higher stress levels
- You will always be second, despite his promises
- Be prepared for conflict with his children
- Baby Drama does exist, no matter how cool he may say she is
- If you want kids, be prepared to deal with a blended family
- You will certainly have less free time for actual dating
- You might have to play mommy too
- Most women are not prepared to deal with all the “what if’s”
- there’s invariably that anxiety about having the breakup hurt the child
1. They Need To Divide Up Their Time With You:
There is no real dispute here, all single dads – if they are actively involved in their kid’s lives – will at some point during the relationship let you down in some way shape or form.
Although not intended, when you’re a single dad there are at times where their priorities between having a relationship with you, and the relationship they have with their children will clash.
The important thing is not to take it personally and allow these inconveniences ruin what you have; if you’re in the contemplation stage you will have to weigh the pros and cons and see if the single dad you’re interested in is worth the disappointment from time to time
2. Single Dads Exhibit A Higher Than Normal Stress-Level:
There’s no doubt about it, having children plus the responsibilities of being a single dad can be overwhelming.
Not only do you have to find time to juggle all the responsibilities of fatherhood, but your catch also has to fit the demand of a potential ex-wife baby mama – which naturally filters over to you in most cases.
In order to be in a healthy relationship, there needs to be a healthy amount of stress to push you toward your relationship goals, so being dragged down by some ex and a child that is not even yours is way too much for most to handle.
Don’t get me wrong, if you really love the guy and see potential that should override this concern. Just be forewarned that the stress you may have to deal with will potentially come from outside forces beyond your control.
3. You will Always Be Second Despite His Promises:
This major roadblock is a sticking point for many women reading this, yet the sad reality is that you may have to learn to be second place in your guy’s life.
Between the baby mama drama, his children, work responsibilities (gotta pay child support so he has to work more hours), last-minute responsibilities where he leaves mid-date, all this means that you will have to learn to remain second place when your heart says you should remain first.
Naturally, there will be days where he will do his best to make you first, however, just keep in mind that if he’s a committed dad there will be those times where your priorities will quickly be shifted to second or third place.
4. Be Prepared For Conflict With His Children:
This area is tricky because many times you will think his kids are angels and that’s great. However, if you haven’t experienced the kid drama yet there may come a time where they will challenge you.
Clearly, if things get serious and you both decide to move in with one another, you may have to put your foot down – especially when it comes to chores and other related stuff.
“Your not my mom” is a very common retaliatory response that is used all too often by rebellious children who choose to oppose your authority.
Personally, aside from reassuring them that you have no intention of replacing their mom, your guy will have to stand up and grow a spine otherwise this will certainly develop into a growing problem that, if left unaddressed, has the potential to wreck any relationship you have.
5. Baby Drama Does Exist, Despite How Cool He Says She Is:
You may be one of the lucky ones that never encounter this type of psychotic woman, but if you do and she’s tied to your guy be warned:
She may call you out of the blue, send you confusing or otherwise hurtful texts, and seek any ways to diminish you as a person simply to get back at her ex.
If you find yourself in this scenario, it’s totally up to your guy to put his foot down and grow a set; he absolutely must stand up for you, but either way, it sucks to be in this situation, to begin with.
6. If You Want Kids, Be Prepared To Deal With A Blended Family:
Chances are you want kids at some point in your life. After all, the vast majority of women would fall into the wanting children category for sure.
That said, many women have not factored in what life would be like if they find themselves within a blended-family scenario.
Sometimes everything is great and everyone really gets along with one another, however, oftentimes things are dramatically worse.
Kids grow and mature, so naturally what seems harmonious in the beginning can also fester into something much worse if you don’t address the issue early on.
My recommendation is that you try and treat everyone equal, and do your very best to not show favoritism.
7. You Will Certainly Have Less Free Time For Dating:
Continuing on with my point above that you will often feel second in your guys life, you will certainly have less free time for actual dating as your date attempts to juggle all the pressures of life such as baby mama drama, kids, working extra hours at his job (child support isn’t cheap), and driving around town to support his kids via extra-curricular activities and so on and so forth.
All this means that you probably will have a difficult time planning dates on the fly or getting away for a couple of weeks at an exotic get-a-way.
Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way attempting to dissuade you. After all, I was a single dad.
My point is that if you have too high expectations of always having that perfect date where 100% is focused on your needs, in the end, you may be disappointed.
8. You Might Have To Play Mommy Too:
This point is especially true if you’re dating a single dad who has small children, or kids that for whatever reason are not close with their biological mother.
Kids want and need to be accepted as part of their nature, and denying them basic love and acceptance will go a long way in hindering their psychological development.
Many women put in this very situation would feel a sense of love and duty to help, however, if for whatever reason you feel uncomfortable being placed as a second mom then dating a single dad with young children may not work out for you.
9. Most Women Are Not Prepared To Deal With The “What-If’s”:
This is a very tricky situation that most women not only overlook but are ill-equipped to deal with as well.
Dating, in general, can be difficult and unpredictable, so when you add to the equation single fatherhood with children and all that it entails, it can be an unpredictable mix.
Between all the pressure for you to remain flexible in accommodating his situation, and the pressure he may face from a potentially jealous ex, the pressures of fatherhood, paying extra in support, it can feel that life can throw at you a mixed bag of emotions.
That’s why I recommend that you think long and hard about what might have to deal with while checking your resilience at the same time.
10. There’s Invariable That Anxiety About Having The Breakup Hurt The Child:
I purposely saved the most challenging one for last because, in my experience, this is without a doubt the most challenging aspect of why dating a single dad is hard.
Once you have kids in the mix there is the potential to form real attachments between children and adults.
Kids are not as resilient as us, and once an attachment is formed over the course of several months and years, it can be traumatic for them to have the relationship severed.
Indeed, there are many women who feel bad about the whole situation and would love to continue on with the friendship, sadly though, this may not always be possible due to the complexity of the dating relationship itself.
Relationships can be very complex and overwhelming in of itself, and complicating matters by adding in the equation kids, single dad responsibilities and the other factors I touched on may only serve to magnify things in a way most women are not prepared to deal with.
If you are going to date a single dad, make sure there is the right chemistry first, then go through all the points I highlighted.
Ultimately, if the chemistry is not 100% there, it may just be easier to date a guy with much fewer responsibilities then go through the motions of being disappointed.